"Do you love me?"

This question from a child is often asked in jest, preceding a request for a parent to do something or buy something, but I wonder if our children are as aware of our love for them as they should be. In our busy world, it's easy to let our expressions of love for our children go unsaid.

Here are some things you can say that will show you care.

(1) "Did you have a good day or a bad day today?"
Asking the standard, "How was your day?" is sometimes met with a shrug. Being specific will get you more specific answers.
Whether a child says he had a good or bad day, you can follow-up with, "Well tell me about it." And then make sure you listen, offering help in areas that might make a difference for them, and praising them when appropriate.

Taking an interest in your children's activities lets them know that their activities and feelings are important to you.

(2) "Could I get your opinion on this?"

Few things make children feel more special than having their opinion sought out. When Rebecca was a girl, she says her mother would ask for her opinion about whether a handbag matched a pair of shoes, or if a certain picture would look good hung above the fireplace. "This always made me feel so special and grown-up," says Rebecca. "Like what I thought really mattered to my mother."

Children need to know that their opinions and ideas have merit. By seeking them out, we may discover that our children have unique strengths and gifts, which could help chart a course for their future. After all, every great invention started with an opinion or idea.

(3) "I can't allow you to do that."

Child experts have been saying for years that children need and want boundaries. Without boundaries, children are left to govern themselves, which can be frightening. But don't expect your children to like the boundaries and rules you establish for them. It is their nature to rebel against the rules.

By the same token, don't be intimidated by their rebellion, and don't back down from what you know is right. Parents are accountable to God for the things they allow their children to do. Keeping that in mind will help you stay firm. In time, your children will understand you acted out of love.

(4) "Can you help me with this?"

Children enjoy helping out. It makes them feel necessary to the family's well-being. Even a first-grader can do a good job setting the table or folding a load of towels from the dryer. Sharing chores gives children a chance to taste of life in the "real" world, and helps them see that it takes a lot of effort to make a family work.

When children complete chores, be sure and thank them.

(5) "This belongs to you."

Children deserve a place that belongs solely to them. It may be a room, or just part of a room screened off for privacy. In any event, allow them to decorate it as they please, as long as it falls within your guidelines of appropriate. By giving your children some control of their lives, you are saying, "I trust you to make good choices." Such trust from a parent is important in fostering a sense of responsibility in children.

(6) "I'm sorry."

Not only do parents need to apologize to their children whenever they have crossed a line when correcting them, or jumped to a conclusion before knowing the facts, but parents should also express regret whenever children face personal disappointments and setbacks. Just knowing that you care, whenever they are feeling sad, gives children a solid assurance of your love, even if you can't fix the problem.

Many times a child is disappointed in himself. Maybe he lost something of value because of careless behavior. It is easy for parents to further the child's feeling of guilt by chiding him for his lack of responsibility or his clumsiness. But this kind of reaction can have devastating effects on children, making them feel worthless and unworthy of your love.

Instead, share the child's heartache. By saying, "I'm so sorry you lost your watch. I know you must feel terrible about it," you not only give the child a chance to come to terms with his mistake, but you show him that you care about him, even when he has disappointed you.

If we consider how many times we have disappointed our Heavenly Father with our own lack of responsibility, and how many times he has expressed sorrow, instead of hitting us over the head, then we will understand the importance of embracing our children whenever they have let us down.

Children need to feel loved, and we should make sure that we remind them of our love regularly. In addition, we should look for signs that they are confident of our love. Are your children self- motivated? Do they like themselves? Do they mix with others well? Are they cooperative and unselfish? Do they have a sense of humor? Are they resourceful? If the usual answer to most of these questions is yes, we can feel confident that are our children are well aware of our unconditional love for them. And if we are lucky, perhaps they will return the same kind of love to us.

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